I was watching a Tyra Banks show a while ago and the topic was women and their bodies. The black men touted that they preferred women with a little meat on their bones. In some of the circles that I am in, I’ve over heard many of my Caucasian friends say that their men prefer them skinny and the fear of fat often drives them to calorie counting and bootcamps and spin classes every week.
But for black women exercise and healthy eating are not prominent. 64% of African-American women are sedentary (inactive) and get no leisure time physical activity. African-American women also have higher rates of obesity, high blood pressure, and diabetes.
This phrase ‘meat on their bones’ is used so frequently in our community. As a woman who once had a little bit more ‘meat on her bones’ I feel comfortable talking about this. Are we black women taking this phrase for face value? Have we become complacent in taking care of our bodies because we think our men prefer us that way?
Now, it should be pointed out that black women are naturally curvier than other ethnic groups and by all means we should embrace that. The issue is not the curves; the issue is not taking care of ourselves because we think that’s what men want.
Having a little meat on your bones does not mean overweight or obese. It means that there’s more to feel than bones. It means healthy and that’s something that must be said because skinny is not necessarily healthy. Healthy means that you have good numbers; a good heart rate, sugar level and cholesterol level. It means that your body is in good condition.
When black men say they want thick women, in most cases they aren’t necessarily saying they want a 200+ pound woman. Thick to most black men is Beyonce and nothing about her is obese or overweight. In fact, she is quite fit and restricts the foods that she eats. Black men are saying that they love our God-given curves and that we should love them too when they say they want us thick and with a little meat. What they are not saying is that they want a woman who has just let herself go.
Boris Kodjoe went to twitter earlier this year with his #FatExcuses of what’s keeping black women inactive and opting for the unhealthiest choices. Though many were offended by his comments, it did prove that not all black men like or prefer ‘thick women’ or ‘women with a little meat on their bones’ in the context of an overweight woman.
The point is, no one is making us or keeping us fat. Taking care of your body and the desire to do so is something that comes from within. It’s a loveship that you have to have with yourself. Whether a man wants you or not, is not the point. Do you want yourself?
Sources:
Lloyd-Jones D, Adams R, Brown T,. et al. Heart Disease and Stroke Statistics 2010 Update: A Report From the American Heart Association Statistics Committee and Stroke Statistics Subcommittee. Circulation. 2010;121:31-e170.
Pleis JR, Lucas JW. Summary health statistics for U.S. adults: National Health Interview Survey, 2007. Vital Health Stat 10. 2009; No. 240: 1-159.
No one can blame anyone for the condition of their body…
I can’t say much more than what was said in the article. The truth is that black men do have a stigma on the black woman. so often black women hear, “you too skinny, I like ‘em thick”….what I have noticed is that there’s a NEW THICK (FAT). It is disturbing that black women are purposely saying they want to gain weight to be thick. As stated at the end of the article, you have to love yourself. I teach this to my female clients. Recognizing first that we are all made differently and we should embrace our own curves for what they are. Believe it or not, every black woman does not have a certain attributes that are considered black. Love self, let your body conform to it’s best shape and in the end men will have no other choice but to love what they see. And like Boris, all black men do not like the THICK woman…I can’t say it more, love self;don’t let a man dictate your beauty. IT’S BEAUTIFUL TO BE HEALTHY AND FIT.
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Mistaking “a little meat on the bones” with being overweight is a common misconception among the black race. As a middle aged black female I know too well that stereotyping. There seems to be no middle ground in the mind set. The best way to break this mindset in my opinion is not to regard others opinions. First one must decide when they look at their own bodies what is fit and what is not. We can tell in the mirror. The idea of being healthy must be our first mindset then we can move from lying to ourselves about weight to really making choices to live a healthy lifestyle.
Well said Arian! And it’s not just men who think bigger is better. Culturally, most sisters just don’t perceive being overweight as unattractive. That’s good news for their self-esteem but not so great for their health. We are in the midst of the twin epidemics – obesity and diabetes, and African Americans are leading the pack in incidence and death. As you and Tony point out, the bottom line is loving yourself enough to take care of yourself.
Women (as well as men) should focus on maintaining a healthy life style. The world’s view of beauty is skinny to slim and long hair you can swing. God made us all different. We don’t have the same likes, needs and wants. We are not attracted to, nor, seek the same physical qualities in a man or woman. If your weight is either unhealthy or truly bothers you, then only you can make the decision to change it for yourself. As a man I have heard many women say “No Man Can Make Me”, yet many will do anything, even gain weight, to satisfy a man. Ladies your body is the temple of The Lord, do everything you can to care for it, but don’t shape yourselves to fit what the world deems as beautiful, or what you feel your man wants. Seek a healthy life-style, a weight you feel comfortable with, and the peace of knowing who and who’s you are.
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Right on point! We have to reprogram ourselves to know that regardless of size healthy is beautiful.
wow !
A well put article. Constance mentioned that most sisters don’t think that overweight is unattractive, I totally agree. I personally witnessed an obese lady sit and watch people walk by and she would make comments about other obese women. She would say stuff like she ought to be ashame of herself. I was just shocked b/c the lady that made the comments was as obese as the woman she was talking about. I had lost some weight and not down to where I needed to be. The same lady told me I didn’t need to lose anymore weight that I was fine the way I was. According to my measurement and BMI I was still a little in the at-risk range. I didn’t even say anything.
Wow! So well said. Speaking for myself (and hopefully some others), we love our sisters and the natural God-Given Curves that the Father has given them! Without Question!!! But at the end of the day, a man is still a man and is drawn by what what he sees first and then (a mature man) will take the time to get to know the essence that she carries inside. Thank you for addressing a very important issue that may quite frankly hinder a man from getting to the true beauty a woman possesses on the inside.
Unfortunately, some black woman stay concerned about their shape cause of that dress that she wants to wear to “Da Club”. However, it would be nice if our more spiritual sisters would keep that same concern in mind even if they aren’t “Dropping It Like It’s Hot!” Well…we hope not!
Forget about how you look, how do you feel? Can you comfortably walk a flight of stairs? Do you sleep well? How does your skin look? Is your natural hair thick and shiny?
This whole image thing is a wrong point of emphasis, whether black white, male or female, fat or skinny.
If we focus more on the internal process of health, the outside will take care of itself. Dancing together, cooking healthy meals, taking romantic walks in the park feel good and build true connection for couples.
It’s more than a big but and a smile!
http://www.anacostiayoga.com
All I will say is….preach sistah, preach!!